


Toujours

by erentitanjaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Uke Levi, ereri, levi bottoming, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2018-01-01 11:38:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erentitanjaeger/pseuds/erentitanjaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m lucky because Levi never says anything about it.  He’s never told me to ‘suck it up’, to ‘act tough’.  He’s never even said ‘it’ll be alright’ or something stupid like ‘they’re in a better place now’.  No, Levi isn’t a man of words at all, and he puts this to good use.  Because he knows no words can help, that all he can do is hold me when I need to be held, because it’ll only be a matter of time before Levi will be the one who needs to be held, and my arms will be ready and waiting when that time comes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toujours

**Author's Note:**

> Get your google translate ready!  
> With that being said, any French speakers out there, feel free to correct any and all French in this fic as most of it derrives from Google translate (and we all know how reliable that thing isn't).
> 
> Also, just an announcement! From now on I will be writing in first person. Either Levi or Eren. Because third person is jargon and hard to write and I refuse to do it anymore. I blame my roleplaying.
> 
> One more announcement! Tis the season to be jolly falalalalala  
> That's right! Christmas fics! And (because you're all so fucking special) I've decided that come the week of Christmas you'll all get a fic a day. But that means I need 7 really good ideas to spit out. So feel free to send in your prompts either here, on FF.NET but they'll get noticed more on my tumblr account (link on my profile).
> 
> That said, if you do decide (and you better decide) to send me Christmas ideas, make it a PM. Leave the comments box on this fic for comments on this fic. Thanks guys!

To say that it had been an eventful week at the Scouting Legion would be a huge understatement. Over the past few days, I had gone beyond the safety of Wall Rose more times than I thought was healthy, losing countless of my fellow soldiers and suffering huge losses to our military force. I had seen so many of my comrades die, smashed, eaten and some just suffered from injuries too painful to bare, and so had to be put out of their misery by the hands of the men they had fought with for so long. I have been trying my best to be like my comrades, to not let it faze me too much (at least on the outside), to remind myself that it’s part of the job, and although it’s sad to see, nothing could be done about it.

Yet pretty soon, returning home wasn’t even a blessing anymore, as I could tell we’d only be back outside the walls in just a few short days, losing more soldiers and suffering more heartbreak. It made me sick to my stomach. I might have felt better, if I was able to help in the slightest, but I’m still on lockdown which meant no titan powers of any sort. I had to rely entirely on my own skills, the equipment I was to use and the skills of those around me. It’s not that I don’t have any faith in the others of the Scouting Legion, but it was still hard to bare the lost souls of so many when I knew I might’ve been able to save them.

Yet despite all this and my continuously growing nausea, I consider myself lucky. Not that I have survived so many times, not that I’ve been strong enough to be able to fight my way through every hell that’s been pitted against me, not that, for some reason, God seems to favour me, but because of the reason I continue to fight. Every time I was near death, every time it seemed so hopeless, I would remember the man that would be waiting for me back at headquarters, the man that was also fighting tirelessly somewhere among the countless soldiers around me; I have to remember Levi.

I was lucky because when things got too rough for me to handle, when I got tired of keeping it all pent up, when not even the comfort of Armin and Mikasa helped, I can simply sneak away to a room I have come to know too well. I can fall into the arms of someone who shares my pain as if it’s his own, and simply let the tears fall until I have no more to give.

I’m lucky because Levi never says anything about it. He’s never told me to ‘suck it up’, to ‘act tough’. He’s never even said ‘it’ll be alright’ or something stupid like ‘they’re in a better place now’. No, Levi isn’t a man of words at all, and he puts this to good use. Because he knows no words can help, that all he can do is hold me when I need to be held, because it’ll only be a matter of time before Levi will be the one who needs to be held, and my arms will be ready and waiting when that time comes.

So it was with this in mind that I found myself on my lover’s bed, lying on top of the sheets, staring at the ceiling, trying my best not to think about torn flesh and eyes filled with terror, but was failing miserably. Levi hadn’t been there when I had shown up, and I didn’t feel like looking elsewhere for him. Besides, it was already late, so I knew Levi would return soon.

But I already knew I don’t have any tears in me this time; it was sad to think that perhaps I was just getting used to it all now. What I wanted was physical comfort, warm arms wrapped around me, heated lips on my own, short hair under my fingertips. I wanted to hear Levi letting out those wonderful groans he releases when he gets fired up, wanted to watch his eyes glaze over with lust and need as he felt me give myself over to him. I just wanted Levi; bare and beautiful before me.

There was a squeaking sound as the hinges of the bedroom door let me know Levi had finally arrived. I sat up, watching Levi enter the room, the man already adorned in a loose sweat shirt and cotton pants. I had just taken off my belts, boots and jacket and placed them (neatly) in the corner of the room. I hadn’t felt like taking a detour.

“Thought I might find you here,” Levi simply said before producing a large bottle and two glasses. I looked quizzically at the label before realising it was some sort of red wine. I had seen Levi drink it on several occasions and had come to the conclusion it was one of his preferred drinks. I smiled, remembering the last time Levi had gotten drunk; this would definitely work in my favour.

“Hope it’s alright I came a little earlier,” I commented, moving over to welcome Levi to the bed, taking the glass that was offered to me. Usually I’m not supposed to drink. Everyone always freaks out that I might get a little carried away and turn into a titan and start wreaking havoc on headquarters. Not that Hanji hasn’t been more than willing to see such a sight, but I’ve decided to give every one peace of mind and be content with just water. 

But I’m with Levi now, and I can’t picture a time when I’ve ever felt uneasy around the man, so knew I’d be fine if I only have a few sips. Besides, Levi looks like he wants a drinking buddy tonight, and apparently Erwin isn’t going to cut it.

“Like I give a shit,” Levi replied, pouring a large amount of the dark liquid into his own glass before passing the bottle to me. “Come whenever you feel like it. Like hell I’d kick you out.”

I smiled while I poured my own portion, careful to keep it limited to a small amount, and put the bottle on the bedside table. It was almost fun thinking back to the time, a few weeks ago, when Levi had been dubious about having me in his room, always finding excuses to do our nightly rituals in my cell. But as I visited more, Levi had come to accept me into his space easier and easier, and now I was hearing I’m welcome any time. The thought sent butterflies through my stomach.

“Oh, but what was it you said last week?” I teased as I watched Levi clink his glass to mine before taking a giant gulp and downing the whole glass in one go. I was impressed. “There’s only so much of your personal space I should be allowed to inhabit?”

I took a sip myself, tasting the rich texture and scrunching my eyes up at the slight burn it left. Yet it left a sort of aftertaste I think I can grow to like, so took a few more sips and found my glass empty. I was disappointed, but thought one more glass wouldn’t hurt, and so reached for the bottle.

“That was last week,” Levi growled, grabbing the bottle off me when I was done and pouring a generous amount into his own glass once again. “Times have changed.”

I chuckled, swallowing the contents of my glass carefully and watching Levi out of the corner of my eye down the entire volume of his in another impressive feat. When the glass was pulled away from Levi’s lips, I could already see his eyes were starting to swim and his cheeks had taken on a light shade of purple. I thought it was rather cute.

My glass was empty again. I took a deep sigh, putting it down on the table and resigning for the night. It had been nice, and the small amount I had drunk (at least, compared to the amount Levi had downed) was sitting nicely in my belly, making my skin warm.

I was slightly worried though, as I watched Levi disregard his glass completely and start to drink directly from the bottle. This had obviously been more than a tough week on him, who really only drank this harshly when he was incredibly upset and cleaning, working or sleeping it off hadn’t worked to abate his worries. I wanted to comfort my beloved, but thought it best to wait for Levi to bring the bottle away from his lips before moving closer.

“Listen here!” Levi suddenly started, raising his voice and glaring at me. I let out a squeak, wondering what I could have done wrong this time. “You might be a little shit but you are my little shit!”

I relaxed, smiling at my lover and moving so I could wrap my arms around Levi’s waist, resting my chin on the shorter man’s shoulder. He certainly smelled strongly of the wine he seemed to be so fond of, and maybe that would’ve upset my nose if it weren’t for the fact that Levi had just showered. Which meant he smelt of soap. And not just any soap, but the special soap he bought out of his own pockets and protected vigilantly and had never even let me touch. 

Suddenly, soap and wine was my all-time favourite smell. It was incredibly endearing.

“My shitty brat! My dipshit! My bloody shit-head! My sugar nugget!” He continued to ramble.

“Sugar nugget?” I smiled into Levi’s skin, moving the soft fabric of Levi’s shirt and kissing the skin of his shoulder.

“Yes, sugar nugget,” Levi confirmed. He took another large gulp of his bottle, bringing it away and swishing it around in the air. It was empty. He had drunk almost the entire bottle himself. Levi put it down on the table, then made it his mission in life to push me back onto the mattress and cover as much of my body as his short limbs would reach.

I watched Levi nuzzle his forehead into my chest, his arms wind tightly around the muscles, his legs tangle with mine. I reached my own arms up, fitting them tightly around Levi’s back and kissing his hair, holding the man tightly. Physical comfort, exactly what I had wanted.

“Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine…” Levi just kept repeating the word like a mantra. I was grinning from ear to ear and feeling slightly giddy at how possessive Levi had secretly been this whole time. 

“You know I hate it when you talk to Erwin!” Levi announced suddenly, lifting his head, glaring at me with an impassive expression, his lips forming a pout I had to concentrate very hard at not giggling at.

“Erwin? What did he ever do?”

“Nothing! But I can see the way that arrogant prick looks at you. Like you’re something to eat. Like you’d put out for him if he asked politely enough. Like he could see you the way I see you. Like he could seduce you if he tried.”

I hadn’t realised there was so much one look could say, and that somebody else would be able to read it. 

“Well, tough fuck, Grandpa! The closest you’re getting to this hot piece of ass is with a ten foot pole, and even then I’m going to cut that pole into tiny pieces before it goes anywhere near my man!”

I smiled some more, stroking Levi’s purple-tinged cheeks. I knew this was the wine talking, that most of the time Levi had nothing but the highest respect for our commander. Though I’d be lying if I didn’t think it was incredibly adorable, seeing Levi jealous.

“Speaking of ‘hot piece of ass’…”

I let out a very embarrassing squeak. Rough hands were now clutching at said ass and a very skilled set of hips were rubbing circles into my groin. I started whimpering, Levi’s lips so close to mine, his hips teasing my own, the very idea was always enough to get me hot and bothered; the real thing was usually enough to get me more than that in a matter of minutes.

I continued to let out a string of small, strained noises as Levi let his hips connect with mine again and again. I could feel him watching my face flush red and my teal eyes water over; feel him watch them turn dark as I guessed what was coming.

“L-Levi,” I stammered, spreading my legs and feeling Levi’s lips on my neck, the burning, wet sensation of a talented tongue lapping at my skin. 

“You did a good job of fingering me last time, remember that?” Levi spoke deeply, letting his voice drop to its lowest note so I could feel the vibrations from Levi’s throat as he spoke. 

“I can still remember the last time you screwed me as well. I can remember it vividly,” Levi murmured, his tongue still tracing patterns on my skin, his hips still rolling circles into mine, as he continued to listen to my whimpers.

I, despite the heat that was pooling in my abdomen and groin, could remember it vividly as well. I could remember how Levi had let himself go, let his cries fall from his mouth and his hands clutch angrily at my shoulders. I could remember Levi rocking himself back against my thrusts, could remember the way it felt to have my cock inside my beloved. I wanted that feeling back. 

Forget having physical comfort, I wanted physical stimulation. I wanted to feel Levi underneath me, wanted to feel Levi’s hole suck in my member, the tight heat taking over all of my senses, feel those lips attack my own as we both licked and sucked at each other’s tongues.

“Y-yeah,” I forced myself to say. I lifted myself up onto my elbows, grabbing Levi’s sweatshirt and pulling at the loose fabric, lifting it up over Levi’s head and watching as his bare chest became visible. The contours of his muscles, the pale skin, the brown, pert nubs; how could anyone look that delicious?

“If you can remember it so well, want to recreate the scene?” Levi asked, even though I knew there was only once answer. Lips touched, tongues met, hands found skin, hips pushed against hips, I was already panting with need at the thought of having Levi at my mercy.

Then Levi did something that had me praying I’d be able to hold it in long enough to give Levi a good time. He did something that had me gripping the sheets and sucking in great, gasps of air. Levi was on his knees, nestled comfortably on my lap, his arms wound around my neck. Levi stretched up, placing his lips directly over my ear, and whispered in the most sultry voice I had ever heard him use.

“Prends moi par derrière.”

I didn’t mean to tighten my grip on Levi’s hips, didn’t mean to bury my face into the crook of Levi’s neck and whimper my appreciation, except I didn’t regret that I had.

It wasn’t a secret that Levi spoke French, just like it wasn’t really a secret that I had grown up learning both English and German. But I had only heard Levi use his alternative language when he was frustrated at something and therefore practically just swearing in a way no one would understand.

I had never heard Levi speak French while we were in the bedroom together; but I had never known how much I would like it either.

“Holy shit, Levi!” I gasped out, placing my hands firmly over Levi’s ass and pulling the man’s hips closer, lifting my own hips so I could grind up into the ones above me, whimpering and panting at the sounds going around and around my head.

Thankfully, I wouldn’t have to be asking for translations every few minutes. Levi had taken it upon himself to teach me his home language, pulling me aside every time we had a spare moment to brush up on the sounds and the way I rolled my tongue over the certain sounds. I had learnt a lot in a few months; enough to know what Levi had just demanded.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, my Petite Pute,” Levi kept speaking, gripping my shoulders and falling back, pulling me with him so our positions were switched. I collapsed into Levi’s chest, gripping his hips still and fingering the soft cotton that made up his pants. 

“Dépouille moi,” Levi demanded, relaxing into the pillows behind him and spreading his legs. I gulped, bending down to kiss and lap at Levi’s chest, loving the soft skin and firm muscles under my tongue while I tugged the pair of pants further and further down Levi’s strong legs. I tried not to look at what I had just uncovered, and what was now bare and warm and pushing against my own. But it was difficult and I found myself giving in, glancing down at the hot, throbbing member as I panted heavily against Levi’s chest.

“Bon,” Levi praised me, pushing my face away from his chest so I could watch him run his fingers over his muscles. Levi worked his fingers down his chest, over his stomach, down past his member and placed his fingers at his hole, pushing them in slightly. I saw him wince at the intrusion, yet he didn’t stop. 

“Shouldn’t I be doing that?” I asked tentatively, though I was actually having a rather good time watching Levi finger himself. It was just so hot, watching those nimble fingers disappear inside that warmth I knew I’d be getting myself into soon enough, so delicious watching Levi shift to accommodate his fingers while moaning slightly at the feeling of being filled, so incredibly wonderful watching Levi lick his lips and concentrate on adding one more finger.

“Tais-toi,” he grunted, glaring at me. “You always take too fucking long. You treat me like some sort of princess when all I want you to do is labourer moi dans le matelas.” 

The smirk he gave me, the way is eyes shifted and how one corner of his mouth lifted up, it was sinful. I shuddered at the sight, sitting back on my knees, continuing to watch pale fingers work their way into my lover. 

I tried not to touch myself, but when Levi started moaning, started letting out strings of delicious sounds as I watched him push and shove against a certain spot inside him, I couldn’t help it. I reached into my pants, grabbing my member and stroking it firmly, moaning along with Levi.

“Don’t do that, idot!” He commanded. I immediately stopped, though whimpered at the loss of friction. “Obtenez nu alors que je terminerai.”

My sight was already going hazy, the mixture of such an endearing sight, such a sudden onslaught of arousal as well as that measly amount of wine I had drunk was making my head swim. Nonetheless, I complied, crossing my arms and peeling my shirt off, standing up to slip off my pants and underwear.

I didn’t realise how cold it was tonight, the thick cotton of our uniform making it hard to distinguish temperatures. 

“Ah, tes tétons sont durs pour moi,” I heard Levi mutter brokenly as he pulled his fingers out of himself, reaching over to the nightstand for the lotion we kept at the ready for purposes such as this.

“It’s the cold, asshole!”

“Quelle deception.”

I ignored him, crawling back onto the bed, up and over Levi’s body, nestling myself between his thighs and leaning down for a kiss. My hands were on his cheeks, my tongue in his mouth, my chest pressed to his. I could feel his racing heartbeat against my skin, his soft hums as our tongues danced lazily in his mouth. I pressed my dick against his ass, whimpering into the kiss at the heat, loving the feeling already.

I was careful about my next words. Careful about how I said them. I knew it wouldn’t be very hot if Levi was trying to turn me on in his native tongue and I screwed up the pronunciation giving it back tho him.

“Je veux t'enculer,” I breathed against his lips, pressing my hips forward and feeling Levi arch into me, that muscled chest now glistening with a light sheen of sweat, his grey eyes glazed over with ever deepening lust.

“Qui vous en empêche?” he moaned against my neck, licking along my jaw. I smiled again before giving him another kiss, tugging at his hips to tell him to turn around. Levi was pretty intent on kissing my sanity away first, but eventually complied when he could feel the spit running down my chin. I was panting when he pulled away.

I grabbed the bottle of lotion from him, squeezing some of the concoction into my palm and rubbing it over my throbbing member, trying hard to concentrate on other things while I watched Levi on all fours, presenting himself to me, the smooth friction on my dick not helping matters at all.

“Baise-moi, déjà!” Levi exclaimed. 

I grabbed his hips, aiming myself and pushing myself in. I tried to go slow, tried not to hurt him, but Levi was already pushing back against me, sighing as I filled him. It was the feeling of him that made me do it, the feeling of my cock so deep inside him, the feeling of his back under my chest, my knees either side of his legs, his entire being shaking while he prepared for me. I slammed into him completely, heard him cry out, felt him push back even harder against me.

“Merde, on se sent bien!” I moaned, licking at the sweat trailing down his back, feeling goose bumps rise all over his flesh as I trailed my slick muscle up his spine. Levi wasn’t speaking, simply rutting back against me, moaning like crazy. I could see his knuckles turn white with how hard he was gripping the sheets.

“Maintenant, qui est la petite pute?” I murmured against his skin, pulling myself out slightly and slamming back into him. Levi gasped, his elbows giving way slightly at the sudden impact. He righted himself and turned his head so his eyes were on mine.

“Shut up, you shitty brat, and get moving!”

So I did. I rocked myself into him, feeling his heat tug on my member, begging me not to leave, and welcoming me back smoothly as I thrusted back in. His ass ate me up nicely. Levi spread his knees, trying to get me into him even deeper than I already was, trying to feel me in my entirety. It was delicious, watching him moan like a whore, feeling his ass against my balls, watch his fists clench and the sweat drip down both of our bodies.

“Oui, Eren, plus fort!” 

His voice was deep and guttural, his throat gasping in huge breaths of air as he tried to keep himself sane while I slammed myself inside him again and again. He was so beautiful like this; his back arching downwards, his chest almost touching the bed as his elbows became weaker and weaker, no longer able to hold him up. 

I used the firm grip I had on his hips to keep them up, to keep them in place as I rammed myself into him. I bent over him, biting his shoulder, sucking on the salty, tasting skin, listening to his deep moans right next to my ear, feeling them reverberate throughout his entire body, making it so much easier to go into him harder and harder.

“Pourquoi vous sentez-vous si bon, Eren? Vous ne devriez pas sentir cette bonne ... Merde!” He screamed, rocking against me, back and forth, back and forth, meeting my forward thrusts with his backward ones. I was in him so deep, I could feel his walls clench around me.

I grasped at his chest, tweaking his nipples, continuing to lap at his shoulders, kissing and mouthing over the beautiful, smooth skin. Levi’s face was in the pillows now, his fingers clutching at my hands around his chest, his knees continuing to rock him as best he could while I buried my face in the middle of his back.

“Mon dieu!” He gasped out. “Vous me baise si dur, mais je veux que tu me baises dur!”

I changed my angle, I found the spot I needed and I slammed into it. Levi was writhing now, practically sobbing as I slammed myself into him, fucking him hard and making him mine. He said I was his, but at this moment, he was mine. No one would touch him, no one would see him, no one would hear him; not like this. This moment, this part of Levi, was all mine.

“Je veux te garder en moi pour toujours!”

It was his voice. It was fucking voice. It was so rich, deep, smooth, beautiful in every way. It felt like some kind of spirit, stroking my cheeks, rubbing my shoulders, while the source of it all moaned and whimpered and begged underneath me. I wrapped a hand harshly around his cock, pumping him, continuing to hit his special spot as I stroked him harder and harder, faster and faster. I pumped myself into him, felt his muscles tighten around my dick.

“Merde! Levi, viens avec moi,” I whispered against his back, my hips and back and thighs aching now with the effort it took to just keeping going, to give Levi as much pleasure as he was giving me right now, to love him just like he deserved. 

“Importe quoi pour toi, mon amour,” he gasped out a reply, shifting himself yet again so he was practically lying flat on his stomach while I pounded into his tight ass. He was now thrusting against both the mattress and my hand, timing his movements perfectly so he met my own thrusts while getting as much friction as he could from the sheets and my skin around him. 

God, watching him hump that surface from behind while feeling him constrict tighter and tighter around me: it was too easy to come at that. I screamed his name, throwing my head back to let out the sound while I felt Levi shoot ribbons into my hand, felt him ride out the rest of his orgasm while I too, came down from my high.

“L-Levi,” I gasped out, my chest heaving with the effort it took to get sufficient oxygen to my brain, carefully pulling out of Levi and moving so I was next to him, rubbing circles into his back as he slowly let his hips down. Both of us lay there on the bed, breathing in the scent of sex and sweat and each other. 

I closed my eyes for a moment, completely relaxing into the pillows and the sheets, feeling Levi’s hand grip my bicep. My eyes fluttered open slightly, watching as Levi wormed his way over to me so his chest was pressed up against my arm, his arm lying lazily over my abdomen, his lips kissing my damp shoulder and resting his head in the space beside my ear. 

I grinned at him, showing my teeth, how happy I was that he could be like this at times. I wasn’t sure if it was that he was opening up to me more and more or it was because he was drunk and felt just as much need for human contact as I did, but I didn’t really care. I was really happy to feel his body close to mine.

“Qui était foutrement incroyable ...” his voice sounded. I could feel his lips brushing the shell of my ear, could feel the warmth of his breath as he breathed the words.

“Yeah. It was definitely something to remember,” I spoke, not really bothering to try and think of the right words in French at this moment. I was just too damned tired to concentrate on that.

“Tu es magnifique,” Levi continued to speak. His arm had lifted off my stomach, had trailed up my chest and was now resting on my shoulder while his fingers lightly traced my jaw. I blushed at his words, but still wasn’t able to hold back my smile.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I told him, unable to think of anything that actually fitted what I thought right now.

“So beautiful. Chaque jour, je suis tellement reconnaissante que tu es à moi. La mienne. Toujours.” Levi’s voice was so soft as he spoke, so delicate. His touch was sweet and warm. I wish I had the energy to lift myself up and kiss him. As it were, Levi obviously wished the same, as he bent his neck slightly so his lips could land on my shoulder. I hummed my appreciation.

“Je veux te garder pour toujours.”

My eyes started to sting, my eyelashes started to dampen, my throat tightened; and I was so sure I didn’t have any tears to give. 

I didn’t mean for them to fall, didn’t mean for them to coat my cheeks and wet Levi’s fingers. I didn’t mean for Levi to make me upset, because he hadn’t. In fact, I was so happy. Here was a man willing to keep me by his side so long as I was willing to stay, a man who would protect me if I asked but not a moment sooner. It was ridiculous that I was crying; except that toujours may not be toujours.

“I didn’t mean to make you upset,” Levi said, lifting himself up on his elbows and leaning over me, kissing my cheeks and licking away my tears, placing his lips on my eyes lids, his fingers in my hair, stroking the strands softly.

“Y-you didn’t upset me,” I blubbered out. I should be embarrassed, I should be ashamed that I had ruined this. But at that moment, all I could feel was fear.

“Forever isn’t forever. We’re going to die one day. Either you’ll get eaten by a titan, or I’ll lose myself and you’ll have to kill me. One of us is going to die. There’s no such thing as forever.”

I didn’t have to look at Levi to know he was furious. Despite the aura that he gave off, the scowl that had been permanently branded onto his face, Levi despised pessimists. It’s not that he was an optimist himself, but there was a large different between thinking negatively all the time and thinking of the facts before you. Levi was the latter, and he quickly shot down all those who tried to make things seem worse than it already was.

I felt his strong fingers grip my jaw, twisting my head around so I was looking right into his steely, grey eyes, his glare making me shiver and swallow hard.

“Now listen here, you little shit,” he said for the second time tonight. “Life sucks. That’s just the way it is. Our world is hell. It’s cruel out there and there’s no way of getting out of it. Especially you, whose devoted himself to humanity’s cause with a power you know nothing about that’s constantly evolving at a rate we can’t keep up with; which makes you seem dangerous.”

His voice rose, becoming louder and louder the longer he spoke. All I could do was stare at him, all I could do was reach for his shoulder, gripping it in my palm, choking back my sobs.

“I’m going to tell you something; I will never kill you, Eren.” 

My eyes widened, my breathing stopped. There were no sounds in the room, no sounds outside the room either; there was just the sound of our heartbeats, still beating erratically in our chests.

“I vowed to myself never to kill you a long time ago, and I very much plan to keep that vow. If you do lose control of yourself, if your titan power suddenly becomes a problem, I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back. Maybe I’ll have to cut off your limbs, maybe I’ll have to stab you so many times you turn into Swiss cheese; but I refuse to kill you!”

The tears were coming harder, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him anymore. I had never thought Levi would deny his orders for me, and I had always been wary of the idea that he might be the one to take my life. Somewhere, in the back of my wind, I thought I’d be okay with that. Having my life taken by Levi was better than having it taken by some titan scum.

“But I’ll tell you right now,” Levi was gripping my chin, forcing me to look up at him, brushing away my tears with his spare hand. “If you give up, if you stop fighting, stop trying to win: the moment you give up on humanity, your friends, the moment you give up on me, that is when I will kill you.”

I knew this wasn’t some empty threat to knock me out of my sudden mood; Levi was dead serious. He would bring his blades down upon my skin the moment he saw me give up on myself and those around me. I swallowed the last of my tears, nodded at him, and welcomed his lips onto my own. 

I kissed him vigorously, my hands clutching at the back of his head, feeling his tongue touch and stroke my own, listening to his breathing as it became laboured once again. He was right; I could never bring myself to give up on the man underneath my fingertips. 

Levi was now risking everything for me, and I couldn’t let him down just because some fantasy we both had may never come true. That’s why they called it fantasy, after all.

“We don’t need the version of forever that others have put on us, the version that tells us we’ll live a long and happy life and grow old together and get buried in the same coffin,” he was saying against my lips, his hands kneading the back of my neck. 

“All we need is our own version of forever: the version where we fight together, we win together, we come back here together. Once, twice, as many times as we need, before both our lives end, whenever that may be. We’ll create a forever that the both of us are content with.”

I smiled up at him, my eyes shining with tears as I wound my arms around his strong body, resting my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent, and hoping to God that he was right.

“Levi,” I muttered, my voice soft, my eyelids heavy, but I still couldn’t stop smiling. “Who knew you were so poetic when you’re drunk.”

I heard him tut against my hair.

“Tais-toi, petite merde.”


End file.
